The Truth is…..
I was abducted by extra terrestrial species and this is why I haven’t been able to blog. I tried to “phone home” but those slimey buggers forbid me to. So there you have it. That’s the truth and I’m sticking to it like a stamp on an envelope.
Coming back from another world, I have many stories to share.
My first story is Bubbleology.
I was under the care of an alien, named Jiggly Anna Puff. I know like situations weren’t weird enough. I remember it well, the first time she spoke to me.
“Hey JP….who you callin Hoe? I ain’t know Hoe”.
“Silence Human. You talk jibberish that I do not understand. This is Planet X and we are in land Soho. You and me are going drinking.”
“Drinking what exactly?”
Bubble Tea? What the hell, these aliens are cray. The only crazy thing I drink is hot chocolate so I don’t know about this Bubble Tea business. But how do the kids say it nowadays…YOLO (You Only Live Once)
Apparently Bubble Tea is quite popular in Soho because there was a queue outside the building which looked like a laboratory inside. Jiggly and I walked in and it looked like I was walking into a dangerous experiment where the aliens were dressed in white lab coats mixing all sorts of flavours together. I didn’t know what to order but I ordered what seemed like a safe and tasty option: “Mango and Passion fruit.” Jiggly looked at me and said drink. It was bizarre because you drink this bubble tea through a straw as wide as your finger but it actually tasted delicious and very sweet, like milkshake with tapioca pellets- bubbles they call it. The bubbles were the best bit but so many in a cup that it’s like a meal in itself. Jiggly then took me to a place called Primark. Women aliens are scary crazy here. When we were both inside I felt someone was following me and when I turned around it was a guard who sternly said I was not allowed Bubble Tea in this place. I think he was jealous that he didn’t have bubble tea to drink. However, Bubbleology was a sweet experience and what seemed to be a friendship blooming because Jiggly Anna Puff looked at me and said,
“Bubble Tea with my best-tea”