There are rare occasions when I slip from Little Miss Awesome to Little Miss Ditzy. I’m not proud of my dopey moments but I give something for people to laugh about. Sadly for me this story will haunt me for a lifetime.
My story begins on a cold and very windy morning of Monday 27th February 2012. I am awoken by my phone that is under my pillow. I pick up the phone and it’s my brother giving me strict instructions on a package that will be sent home and to not accept it. I’m not really awake or aware of anything at this point and when he asks, “Can you make sure you do it please?” I respond with sounds like “Hm, Hmmm, Hmmmmmm”. Clearly not convinced he sends me a text that says, “Make sure you open the door and tell them. If you ignore the door bell they will leave it”. I knew this was important for him so to avoid falling asleep I switched on my laptop and watched the latest episode of One Tree Hill- which by the way is finally getting so good! So anyways my dad had just left to go to work. When he wears his suit I know he won’t be home early and he will be travelling far for work.
Around 9.30 in the morning the door bell rings. I am in my pjs (my hoodie and joggers). I get out of bed and run to the door. I open the first door and step into the porch area and open the second door. I tell the man that we do not want the package and to return it.
I close my eyes and turn around. Please let it not be. Please God I beg you.
“SHIT! OMG. SHIT. SHIT. SHIT. NO. NO. NO. THIS CAN’T BE HAPPENING! SHIT. OMG. NO. SHIT. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO”
No I refuse to believe this is happening to me. It’s a dream. It has to be a bad dream. I bang on the door and try push it open. But it’s definitely closed What the hell do I do? I don’t even have my phone!
“EXCUSE ME? MISTER!”, I yell. “Can you help me, I’ve locked myself out! I don’t know what to do…do you know what to do in these sort of situations?”
“Oh no. Er… I can give you my phone if you need to call anyone.”
YES! GREAT! I SMILE! Then it hits me. My smile fades. My face is not a happy face. I DON’T KNOW OR REMEMBER ANY DAMN NUMBERS! NOOOOO! WHY? As quoted by Ross in Friends, “Why do bad things happen to good people?”
I’m freaking out in front of a random stranger. I tell him that it was ok he could leave and I would figure it out.
Now come on Meera, thinking cap on. Just breathe. Right I will just walk to my uncle’s house. It’s a 10 min walk and hopefully someone will be home. On my way I was muttering and shaking my head about how I will NEVER answer the door for my brother again and that he could sort his own packages out. I arrive at my uncle’s house and no one is home. DAMN! What do I do now? So I decide to waste some time in the high street. I didn’t even know what the time was. But I was hoping time would fly fast. It was getting colder and I was thankful at least I had my joggers on. After spending what seemed like hours in superdrug and boots and some random clothes store, I decided to head back. I’m passing my uncle’s house and there is no sign of any car. I decide to walk home. As I’m coming nearer to my house I’m praying that someone has come home. No one was home. I was so angry I must have pushed heavily on the first door and it opened. If only I could do that to the second door. But at least I was in the porch as I was shivering really bad and I was glad it was sort of warm. It felt like 127 hours. Trapped and stuck except it wasn’t gruesome and I didn’t have to chop my arm off in the end. It was worse. I would soon bear my father’s wrath. What and If are two separate words that have no importance or meaning yet putting the two words together it changes everything. WHAT IF? What if I had my phone at least to ring someone? Maybe I wouldn’t do what I was about to do.
So I had a movie moment. I wonder if I could put a hairpin in the lock it may open. I feel around my hair but nothing. I look around for alternatives and I see the potpourri. I see a small tiny twig. I thought this is what its like when Oprah has her Aha! Moments. How wrong would I be in another 30 seconds.
Will trying to open a lock with a twig ruin the lock?
OF COURSE DUMB DUMB! The twig snapped. Crap. I need to take that out. I tried with all my might but I pushed it further in. I figured when my dad gets back and puts the key in it will be ok. After what seemed like forever my dad drives up in the driveway. He is not aware that I have been locked out for hours and makes silly faces in the car.
There’s no time for this sillyness…I need to pee man. I start waving my arms around like a crazy person. He finally understands and is seriously not impressed when he finds out I’ve locked myself out. He must have said something along the lines of “…stupid…how could you…stupid girl”.
This is it. Finally. My dad puts the key in. The key is not moving. He looks at me, “What have you done?”
“Meera, you have done something, why isn’t it moving….its not working”.
“I swear I havent done anything! Dont look at me like that…I didn’t”
“No…be quiet Meera.. you did…the barrel isn’t moving. You did something! What did you do?”
He is fuming and angry and at this point I fess up.
“Well all I did was put a twig in it, but it snapped, but I thought once you…”
“YOU DID WHAT? WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU PUT A TWIG IN THE KEY LOCK? WHERE DID YOU EVEN GET IT? WHY WOULD YOU DO SOMETHING SO STUPID. SHOW ME WHAT TWIG YOU USED!!!”
He assumed I used a twig from outside but I pointed to the potpourri.
After that it was a blur. But it was something like how it would cost so much money to change the lock and we wouldn’t be able to get into the house and what a waste of money it was going to be due to my stupidness. After that I went to my next door neighbours and I didn’t really want to be there. I felt really bad and had few tears rolling down my face. Luckily my aunt came to pick me up and I went to their house. I didn’t know that my cousin was sleeping upstairs when I thought no one was home. It just wasn’t my day today. My mum and my brother joined after and when things lightened up a bit….the twig jokes began. It was in the evening when we all finally could go back home. I could see the light in my dad’s office area and I knew he was coming to open the door. I hid behind my mum and ran upstairs to my room. But I heard he laughed and found it funny when he told my mum what happened that when he asked what I did…I lied straight away and only told the truth after.
Moral of the story-Stay away from twigs. Twigs are evil.